I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
