Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
