I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
