hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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