Ambien. No doubt about it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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