I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
