R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
