Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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