I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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