Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
