I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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