maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize