For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize