You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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