I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
