Pappa wants mamma naked
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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