I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
