I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
