By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
