New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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