dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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