i just had sex bonerless
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
