i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
