I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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