I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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