So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
