you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
