well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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