A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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