This is not my ceiling
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
