I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
