Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
