do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
