I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
