I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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