this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
