I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
