I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
