you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
