i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
