i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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