Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
