I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize