the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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