I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
