Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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