whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
420 ftw
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
