She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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