She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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