piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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