He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The beer is more important than you right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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