Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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