the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize