I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
