I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
