you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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