thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
