her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
