did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize