the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
