mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
