We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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