She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
