Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
