Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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