I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
